11 September, 2005

Confessions with a big 'C'

I have always been afraid of cancer .. the big C .

When I was growing up, I picked up lots of information about this disease which appeared to be shrouded in mystery and always carried a death sentence.

I remember my father reading a letter from my uncle and seeing the diagram he had drawn of his lung and a dark blob marking the cancer. My father's face was serious, but nothing much was SAID , rather I FELT it and made up the rest in my mind , I suppose. I was about 11 or 12 I think.

On another occasion , Christmas time, we were at good friends of my parents. There was a tree , presents , children , their family and our family and a few guests . One of them , an older lady, quite frail looking , wrapped in a shawl sitting by the Christmas tree. She was the one with cancer and would not live very long. I remember looking at her and thinking. " here you are , sitting here with the rest of us , but you know that you are going to die soon ..what is that like for you ? " or similar thoughts. This was also when I was between 11- 16 .

I think that the more these diseases are talked about and not shrouded in silence or clothed in euphamisms or fear the better.

Knowing someone with cancer or AIDS as an adult has certainly helped me be more understanding . There is still a great deal I don't know , but I'm on my way to greater understanding and PEACE.

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